The modern man who turns to podcasters for fatherly advice and male leadership is often following misguided advice—like the idea that men shouldn’t pay for dates without a guarantee of sex from a woman they barely know, or that they shouldn’t buy gifts or spend money on her. It’s unfortunate that many men today lack father figures in the home to teach them how to be leaders, protectors, and providers for their women and children.
Most modern men don’t have the mindset of past generations. Grandpa, for example, may have been a rolling stone, but he still understood the importance of handing over his paycheck to Grandma so she could manage the household bills. Yes, the economy has changed, and everything is more expensive. However, a “mindset” is ultimately an attitude, and real men adopt a mindset of action and provision.
- If a man doesn't have the mindset that he should provide, then the things that you want from him will always be a debate. You will become a problem to him!
- If a man has this mindset coupled with the lack of means to provide aka he is broke or doesn't earn enough, this will be another point of contention.
- If you are a woman who would like more than receiving dinner dates from a man i.e., weekly flowers, jewelry, designer handbags/shoes, maintenance money, help with any bills ... and he doesn't have the mindset and the means, you will not be happy and you're setting yourself up for struggle love.
There are levels to providing. Not everyone can afford to live in a 10,000-square-foot mansion, but a man can still provide for his family in an apartment or a modest 1,500-square-foot home. When choosing a man for marriage, consider his 'money mindset'—his attitude and approach toward providing and building a stable future."
An expert from my book The Black Woman’s Step-by-step Guided book and workbook for Healing Trauma, Avoiding F*ck Boys,Attracting the Love you Deserve and the Life you Desire on Men and Money Mindsets.
- Some men were raised or believe it’s their sole responsibility to pay all of the bills, including his wife’s/woman’s preexisting bills/expenses and she utilizes the money she earns as she pleases.
- Some men believe in paying the mortgage and all of the household bills. His wife/woman assumes her own bills and expenses.
- Some men believe in paying the mortgage, a few household bills and his wife/woman pays the remaining household bills, and her personal bills and expenses.
- Some men believe in paying a larger percent of the mortgage, and splitting the other household bills. His wife/woman assumes her own bills and expenses.
- Some men believe in 50/50 splitting the mortgage and all the bills down the middle. His wife/woman assumes her own bills and expenses.
Many modern men are raising each other and subscribing to the ideology of a 50/50 split, where women are expected to help them build. If that’s the type of relationship and mindset you desire, that’s perfectly fine. However, it’s important to know that you have options and the right to choose what works best for you. Most importantly, always remember that a man should rise to meet your standards—not the other way around.
If you choose to go 50/50 with a man but truly desire to be a kept woman or prefer a 70/30 dynamic, you’ll likely end up feeling miserable in the long run because you settled for less than what aligns with your standards. What you want does exist!
It would be far more productive if men came together to challenge housing laws, wage gaps between men and women, and other societal disparities, rather than manipulating women into coffee and ice cream dates or pushing for future 50/50 arrangements.
