Men should Offer you something on a Weekly Basis
There are levels to being a provider and men have different mindsets around providing. You must find a man who has the same providing money mindset as you do.
For example, here are some mindsets around providing from my book
The Black Woman’s Step-by-step Guided book and workbook for Healing Trauma, Avoiding Grown Boys, Attracting the Love you Deserve and the Life you Desire
- Some men were raised or believe it’s their sole responsibility to pay all of the bills, including his wife’s/woman’s preexisting bills/expenses and she utilizes the money she earns as she pleases.
- Some men believe in paying the mortgage and all of the household bills. His wife/woman assumes her own bills and expenses.
- Some men believe in paying the mortgage, a few household bills and his wife/woman pays the remaining household bills, and her personal bills and expenses.
- Some men believe in paying a larger percent of the mortgage, and splitting the other household bills. His wife/woman assumes her own bills and expenses.
- Some men believe in 50/50 splitting the mortgage and all the bills down the middle. His wife/woman assumes her own bills and expenses.
Provision doesn't start in marriage. If he's a provider, you should see evidence of that in dating. Some men will cover you partially or fully in the dating phase. He will ask you if you need anything or some men may give you money and say" use this towards some bills" or however he likes to phrase it. There are also some men who will give you money and gifts, but they like for you to ask them and then they will oblige.
Beware of the men who have money but they won't provide (a stingy man) or men who don't have the means to provide or the mindset to provide (modern men).
Modern Men on Providing
The modern man who turns to podcasters for fatherly advice and male leadership is often following misguided advice. The idea that men shouldn’t pay for dates without a guarantee of sex from a woman they barely know, or that they shouldn’t buy gifts or spend money on her. It’s unfortunate that many men today lack father figures in the home to teach them how to be leaders, protectors, and providers for their women and children.
Most modern men don’t have the mindset of past generations. Grandpa, for example, may have been a rolling stone, but he still understood the importance of handing over his paycheck to Grandma so she could manage the household bills. Yes, the economy has changed, and everything is more expensive. However, a “mindset” is ultimately an attitude, and real men adopt a mindset of action and provision.
- If a man doesn't have the mindset that he should provide, then the things that you want from him will always be a debate. You will become a problem to him!
- If a man has this mindset coupled with the lack of means to provide aka he is broke or doesn't earn enough, this will be another point of contention. He will want you to meet him at his level which will cause you to settle.
- If you are a woman who would like more than receiving dinner dates from a man i.e., weekly flowers, jewelry, designer handbags/shoes, maintenance money, help with any bills ... and he doesn't have the mindset and the means, you will not be happy and you're setting yourself up for struggle love.
Levels to Providing
There are levels to providing. Not everyone can afford to live in a 10,000-square-foot mansion, but a man can still provide for his family in an apartment or a modest square-foot home. When choosing a man for marriage, consider his 'money mindset.' What is his attitude and approach toward providing and building a stable future.
Many modern men are raising each other and subscribing to the ideology of a 50/50 split, where women are expected to help them build. If that’s the type of relationship and mindset you desire, that’s perfectly fine. However, it’s important to know that you have options and the right to choose what works best for you. Most importantly, always remember that a man should rise to meet your standards not the other way around.
If you choose to go 50/50 with a man but truly desire to be a kept woman or prefer a 70/30 dynamic, you’ll likely end up feeling miserable in the long run because you settled for less than what aligns with your standards. Always remember, that what you want does exist! It may take some time to weed through and find some viable candidates, but they exist if you are determined to find what you're looking for.
To learn more about gender roles, providing and what questions to ask a man in dating..Grab your copy of
The Black Woman’s Ultimate Step-by-step Guided book and workbook for Healing Trauma, Avoiding Grown Boys, Attracting the Love you Deserve and the Life you Desire
