First things first: having a man doesn’t make you a woman, nor does it complete your life. But let’s be honest—at the root of it all, every human being wants and desires love. Especially romantic love from the person you see as your ideal counterpart.
This post is for the single, successful woman who has it all—but still desires to have a man in her life.
I’m all for decentering men, building your own life, pursuing your goals, having hobbies, and putting yourself first. That’s the foundation. But at the end of the day, I still want to be kept, spoiled, loved, and cherished by a man. A kind, generous man with good character—who sends flowers, gives gifts, plans trips, and courts me like he means it. I’m not talking about just any Tom, Devante, Chris, or YN who serves no purpose in your life. We the healing women of the Black Women Collective are no longer subscribing to Struggle Love!
Nevertheless, Black women got it going on! We are running circles around our male counterparts.
You’ve got the career.
You look fly, you look good!
You’ve grown.
But love?
Still feels...out of reach.
And you start to wonder:
“Is something wrong with me?” Or, I know there’s nothing wrong with me, but no one still isn’t wifing you up! So, what’s up?
I haven’t been in a relationship in years. For a long time, I thought the problem was me. I blamed myself for being "too picky," "too intimidating," or "too much." But Here’s the Truth It wasn’t that I wasn’t enough. It was that the men I encountered weren’t ready, don’t do their individual healing work and personal development nor willing, or able to love me the way I deserved. Some wanted to dim my light. Others couldn’t meet me where I was emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. And for a while, I accepted crumbs because I didn’t know I was worthy of the whole damn pie!
But something was going on with me, not on the exterior but deep within: There was work that I had to do even though I had hit my professional and economical milestones. I wasn’t exactly where I needed to be emotionally and I had to get rid of decades of conditioning and programming that was designed to keep me single. I really had to lean into my divine feminine, stop being a push over, assert myself with men and make it all about me and that's when I began receiving the treatment I deserved.
Here’s what no one tells us:
Success doesn’t cancel out old wounds.
You can boss up at work but still carry childhood abandonment.
Still attract unavailable men.
Still shrink to be chosen.
Still confuse control for love.
There is a Link Between Trauma and Love Patterns; Childhood trauma wires us to seek familiar patterns—not safe or healthy ones. If you grew up around abandonment, chaos, or neglect, you may subconsciously chase unavailable or emotionally unsafe partners. You may confuse intensity with intimacy or mistake pain for passion. Your inner child is still running the show... until you take the wheel back. Break the Cycle; You can choose love that doesn’t hurt. You can attract what’s healthy, consistent, and reciprocal. But first, you must heal.
My book helps you uncover your love patterns and finally start attracting what’s aligned. Start your healing journey today—grab your copy of The Black Woman’s Step-by-step Guided Book and Workbook for Healing Trauma, Avoiding Fuck Boys, Attracting the Love You Deserve and the Life You Desire.
This book helps you:
✔️ Unpack your patterns
✔️ Heal the inner child still running the show
✔️ Recognize red flags before you fall
✔️ Attract aligned, loving partnership
✔️ Stay soft and empowered
Grab your copy today!
