Men rarely change, they just change the woman. It's wild to witness how many men go their entire lives without ever looking in the mirror and doing the work. I know men well into their 60s who are still the same emotionally immature version of themselves they were at 25, they haven't changed!
These men believe that being a man, having a little charm, a decent job, and a nice car makes them valuable. On the surface, that's enough to attract women, but never enough to keep a woman truly happy, fulfilled, or safe. However, the women they end up in relationships with are never happy with them and the women file for divorce or leave the relationship. So the pattern continues: dating, breakups or divorce, repeat.
These men are habitual liars, abusers of alcohol, either smoke weed or cigarettes, have low-to-no emotional control and cling to outdated, misogynistic beliefs about women and relationships. They avoid responsibility, expect women to carry the emotional and domestic weight, and confuse being taken care of with being loved. They have mother wounds, don't really like women in general because of these unresolved mother wounds and toxic role models, yet they have a level of dependency on women for sex, validation, emotional support, basic life skills and functioning.
How is it that men can go their entire life long and that that this behavior is okay? Maybe because men are always pursuing the chase or the love of something new and the infatuation stage is fulfilling enough over the desire of being a decent human being.
These men are our fathers, brothers, sons, uncles, nephews, cousins and grandfathers.
A lot of these men are never held accountable. Even narcissistic men or men with undiagnosed personality disorders, emotional or physical abusers, and sex offenders continue to receive love from others. They receive love from their family members, friend groups, coworkers, and even strangers who adore them. This reinforces their cognitive dissonance and convinces them that they are lovable and fine just the way they are. So why would they change if so many people love them? In their minds, something must be wrong with the woman, because everyone else seems to love them. So they go from woman to woman with this belief system (that it's these delusional women with outlandish standards and not them!)
A man won't change until he is forced to face himself, and most never do, because another woman always shows up to rescue, mother, or love him through it. This is why we have to have strong collective standards and requirements for men. This is also why we can't let men set the dating standards. Men will offer you nothing but crumbs, pennies and D*, if that's all you'll accept. (but I digress)
Unfortunately, nothing changes unless women change. It all starts with us. Which is another topic of discussion (because women are truly the leaders and the men will follow whatever we stand firm on, no matter their whiny rants. We are just easily persuaded because we are nurturers and in touch with our feelings and emotions, but I digress, again)
For the men who continue to live like this with this belief system (that they are not the problem.) It eventually catches up with them in the form of internal disease due to all of this built up unresolved trauma. These men will then seek out a hospice wife or a girlfriend nurse to take care of them when they are all out of options. Don't let it be you! Let him finally learn in his old age if he is unwilling to help himself and seek therapy.
The cycle ends when we stop accepting bare-minimum masculinity and start requiring maturity, healing, emotional intelligence, responsibility and self-awareness.
We must stop accepting and protecting toxic behaviors in our male friends, sons, fathers, cousins, uncles and grandpas. We must end the societal programming and patriarchal bullshit. We must stop trying to heal, fix and tolerate men's disfunction. Come healed or get TF on!
It is crucial that the women (because men with cognitive dissonance won't do it) raise up healthy young men. Find a healthy male role model for your son or again call men to the carpet. For the women who are still single and seeking a healthy partner, it is rare to find someone who is healthy. You will have to properly vet these men and do a background check - because most of these men that are your age or older unfortunately grew up unhealthy and haven't sought therapy or on a healing journey.
Protect yourself! A man will show you who he is in the very beginning. Listen to what he is telling you and watch his actions. You should be able to find this out within 30 days or less. Yes, some men can hide behind a mask for long periods of time, but in my experience, every man I have ever dated showed me who he was up front, I was either blinded or ignored the red flags. To further save yourself, do not give intimate access to any man who isn't serious about you. If he is serious about you, he will be invested into you and he will make his intentions clear about you! His actions will align with his words!
