Life skills, Gender roles, Domestic Help, Trad Wives, First Date Questions
Why is it that one of the leading questions from certain men is “Do You Know How to Cook?” Or “Can You Cook?” Whenever this question asked, give men the side eye. These days if a man is leading with (can you cook) more than likely he’s following modern societal programming and mostly views women as domestic help. This isn’t too far away from the older misogynistic sayings of women belong in the kitchen, it’s a woman’s role or barefoot & pregnant.
Knowing how to cook and clean are life skills that men and women should have a handle on. Of course, everyone doesn’t desire to be a top chef or be a cleaner content creator but everyone should know the basics of preparing their own meals and keeping their space clean. Outside of knowing basic life skills an individual of any gender could hire a professional if they don’t desire to do these things.
At any rate, for too long, we have accepted that this is the role of women and wives. A lot of women have accepted the programming of being traditional women, wanting to cook, clean and cater to their man. But are those really women ideals or ideals planted in women head by what women saw on tv, movies & fairy tales?
Or by what was modeled to women or those common sayings of "a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” We were taught that nurturing was our duty and domesticity our place, and many of us were never taught to question it.
With the adapting of these ideas, we also had the idea that men would be traditional and pay 100 percent of the bills and be romantic suitors. Stay away from these fake "High Value Men" check out the Blog Article I wrote on spotting a fake versus a real man of character here
The Division of Labor
In the present day, women work 40 hours a week, plus the time it takes to get ready, commute to and from work, maintain morning and evening routines, meal prep, exercise, clean, stay disciplined, practice self-care, read, and handle everything else required to function as an adult. There is no way that women should be expected to do all of that and come home and cook, clean, sex, be responsible for another persons emotions and pay half of the bills.
In this case the division of home labor is definitely not split 50/50. This is defiantly an imbalance and women are being used for domestic labor. This is draining women’s energy, time and sacrificing herself for a mans needs. While most men, come home chill, unwind, watch sports, play in leagues or out kicking it with the boys doing what boys do.
This doesn’t even take into account the women who have one or more children. Their children are also dependent on their mothers for caregiving. So a woman is expected to take care of herself, her children and a man. A woman who’s working should not sign up for this type of agreement or unsaid expectations without a mans domestic and financial contribution.
Even with a husband who works hard, pays 100%, and spoils you, so you don’t have to work, most women wouldn’t mind cooking or taking on the domestic load. But as a woman, if you don’t want to cook, don’t enjoy cooking, feel it takes too much time, or don’t want to pick up and clean after another grown person, that is your prerogative. You’re not here to exist solely as domestic help, whether you work outside the home or not.
Are your Ideas Truly Your Own
Ask yourself what are your ideals about gender roles? Where did they come from? Were these ideas modeled to you by your mother or another female figure? Did you adopt these ideas from your own imagination and an age when you frontal cortex was fully formed or were your ideas implanted into your subconscious at an impressionable age by caregivers, television, movies, music, popular culture or other people?
I always say to think about all topics, and evaluate if the information that you gathered is true to you today, from a healthy source and what you really want to do in present day. (Anything from gender roles, religion, marriage, careers, friendships, etc.)
Always ask yourself, in your own imagination how would your dream relationship operate? Then do everything in your power to achieve that goal and reject everything that doesn’t reflect that. And this doesn’t have to stay the same. You can change your mind at any point or phase in your life.
In a few years, you may feel different, as you begin to change and grow (as you should) it’s call evolution. As human we should always be evolving and becoming better and getting as close to our highest consciousness as possible.
So, the next time a man ask you if you can cook, really look behind why is he asking this question? Is it because he expects you to be his domestic help or is he a provider who will give you time to cook if you wanted to because you have the ability to do so because you haven’t been away from the home and getting ready to do so for 12 plus hours and he would generally love a good home cooked meal.
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