If we want men to change, women must change. How to Raise Your Standards
Women are the agents of change. If we want dates, flowers, gifts, relationships and marriage. We must shift the dynamic back to its natural order, and reclaim our rightful positions as the prize, as a goddess, a princess (whatever you desire to call yourself) as long as you keep yourself on a pedestal. In my book https://www.amazon.com/WORKBOOK-HEALING-avoiding-ATTRACTING-DESERVE/dp/
I coined the term “Free Pearls Movement” basically casting our pearls to swine mostly powered by the Feminist movement and further reinforced specifically for the black culture by the blaxploitation films, gangsta rap music, videos all powered and funded by men. Back in the day for men to have access to women they had to “put-in work.”
“The work entailed of; taking women out on real dates catered toward her interests, winning and dining her, flowers, gifts, love letters, substantial investment of time, money and picking up the phone to have real conversations. All of the work stopped—because it was no longer required. Women started to give away what was previously earned for the bare minimum or absolutely free.” - from
https://www.amazon.com/WORKBOOK-HEALING-avoiding-ATTRACTING-DESERVE/dp/
If women collectively stopped accepting 'wyd' texts, Netflix and Chill, coffee dates, and the bare minimum, men would have no choice but to step up. This is the only way we can shift the dynamic back in favor of women. You are more than just an object of pleasure, and we need to stop giving away our wombs for free—for coffee, attention, or whatever else we settle for.
Yes, we’ve all made mistakes and lost sight of our worth at some point, but if we want better, we must start making better decisions. Your vagina should never lose its value or be given away to anyone who asks for it. Recognize it for what it is: a literal life portal.
Men have lived, died, stolen, cheated, and betrayed their best friends for sex. Yet, music and popular culture have reduced the woman’s womb to crude phrases like 'let me hit that,' 'pussy,' 'clap the cheeks,' or 'get some.' If we want to reclaim our worth, we must reject this devaluation and demand the respect we deserve.
If a man doesn’t meet your standards and requirements to have access to you—hopefully including commitment and meaningful investment—then let him walk away. Ideally, when he approaches the next woman, she will uphold the same standards. If this shift were to happen collectively among Black women, our men would begin to take us seriously and rise to the occasion.
Here is how I raised my standards.
- Decided what I wanted and how, I desired to be treated. (Make a list of your standards, requirements and expectations)
- Believe what I wanted existed.
- Stop being scared to ask for what I wanted. If a man think what you want us outlandish or above what he can manage…let him walk!
- Got rid of a scarcity mindset, stop accepting scraps and crumbs offerings from men from my past and new men, Basically, said no to everything I did not want.
- Stop sharing my standards with my friends and family. Your very own friends will have you thinking that you are asking for too much. If you want marriage and your friend is okay with having sex by the 3rd date then your friend will look down on your standard. Likewise for dinner dates, if you like Nobu and your friend is okay with Red Lobster then she will think that you are asking for too much!
If you need more help with your standards or creating your lists. I have the perfect tool for you.
